all complaints must be submitted in writing

Yay! I found another link to my video, and it's even better with that music from the OC and the SNL parody. There's a new post below this too.

Always take your I.D. to the zoo

DNA Evidence Frees Man From Zoo

PHOENIX, AZ—Zoo staff transported Panovich by helicopter to his Mesa, AZ home, where he was released into his yard and reintroduced to his mate and two young.

I think that my dream job would be writing for The Onion. H I L A R I O U S. I love the part about dumping giraffe urine on the guy to make him want to mate with the giraffes. Sarah probably won't read this story, because she doesn't like fake news. I don't see how the real news is any better, though. For instance, I just read that the president of mexico was eaten by a rare president-eating fish. Do you think that was reported on CNN? No! That's why I get all my news from The Onion. I know what's really going on in the world.

Punch in the face Monday

This is one of my favorite videos that I pass around on Mondays. Somebody put the guy from 300 in it and now it's even funnier.

The most annoying sound in the world

Speaking of Aubree again, I think maybe she's been watching Dumb and Dumber behind our backs, because she keeps quoting it over and over and over and over and over. Jim Carrey has nothing on little Aubree. And she was supposed to be the mellow one.

99 cans of Dr. Pepper on the wall; 99 cans of Dr. Pepper; you take one down and only drink half of it; 98 cans of Dr. Pepper on the wall

Apparently there are some people who are tired of looking at Elton John in drag. So here's Elton John in a Donald Duck costume.

Aubree has an uncontrollable reflex...whenever she sees you clap your hands, she can't help but clap her own hands. I was entertained for the better part of an hour the other day making her do that. Speaking of Aubree, she loves having me and Bella hold her hands and walk her around the house. She's getting really good at standing by herself and she's taken that first step a couple of times before collapsing.

To a certain Subway employee who shall remain nameless because I don't know his name and I don't care what it is: I asked for mustard on my roast beef sandwich, not the other way around. Thanks.