Always take your I.D. to the zoo

DNA Evidence Frees Man From Zoo

PHOENIX, AZ—Zoo staff transported Panovich by helicopter to his Mesa, AZ home, where he was released into his yard and reintroduced to his mate and two young.

I think that my dream job would be writing for The Onion. H I L A R I O U S. I love the part about dumping giraffe urine on the guy to make him want to mate with the giraffes. Sarah probably won't read this story, because she doesn't like fake news. I don't see how the real news is any better, though. For instance, I just read that the president of mexico was eaten by a rare president-eating fish. Do you think that was reported on CNN? No! That's why I get all my news from The Onion. I know what's really going on in the world.