GRAND PRAIRIE, TX—After a failed attempt to surprise his family with a nacho dinner Friday, James Kirchmann, 29, was given 16 points for trying by his wife, Sarah, thereby increasing his running total of trying points to 643,457. "I told him you have to grate the cheese before you put it on the chips, or else it doesn't cook right," Mrs. Kirchmann said. "At least he put in the effort." The failed nacho dinner follows a lifetime of attempts that have earned Kirchmann points for trying, including failing to allemande right during square dancing in sixth-grade gym class, hitting his head on the diving board while screwing up an inward 1 ½ somersault in the tuck position, botching his attempt to keep squirrels out of the attic, incorrectly assuming that his wife wouldn’t want that last peanut covered frozen chocolate Drumstick, and trying to dress his two daughters for church. "To this day I just can't allemande to the right. And you can forget about the half promenade," lamented the balding, overweight father of two. Kirchmann is currently trying to save up the 750,000 trying points needed to get a Spongebob Squarepants keychain.
