GRAND PRAIRIE, TX—After a failed attempt to surprise his family with a nacho dinner Friday, James Kirchmann, 29, was given 16 points for trying by his wife, Sarah, thereby increasing his running total of trying points to 643,457. "I told him you have to grate the cheese before you put it on the chips, or else it doesn't cook right," Mrs. Kirchmann said. "At least he put in the effort." The failed nacho dinner follows a lifetime of attempts that have earned Kirchmann points for trying, including failing to allemande right during square dancing in sixth-grade gym class, hitting his head on the diving board while screwing up an inward 1 ½ somersault in the tuck position, botching his attempt to keep squirrels out of the attic, incorrectly assuming that his wife wouldn’t want that last peanut covered frozen chocolate Drumstick, and trying to dress his two daughters for church. "To this day I just can't allemande to the right. And you can forget about the half promenade," lamented the balding, overweight father of two. Kirchmann is currently trying to save up the 750,000 trying points needed to get a Spongebob Squarepants keychain.
22 comments:
It's always worth the wait when you post! Seriously...you crack me up.
At least your on the positive points side! I keep trying to dig my way up out of the negative points pit long enough to score, then tragically I fall back down! However I can make Nachos thats Man-Food and should be one of the recipes that comes natural to a man like a Peanut-butter sandwich or steaks on the grill!
Ok, you kill me. So funny! I freakin' HATED square dancing!! You are the only person I have ever met who had to square dance in PE! Good luck getting the keychain...
That was hilarious!!!!! You need to post more often.
You should so write for the Onion.
Actually I stole the idea from the Onion and just changed it up. If that were my job, though, I could think of some good ones. Just as a side note, I can make nachos, I was a pretty good square dancer, I've never hit my head on the diving board (although I really was not very good at diving), I caught five squirrels in the attic eventually, and I think I do a pretty good job at color coordinating the girls' outfits. I did eat the last drumstick, but it was the first one that I had eaten, so I don't feel bad. And to be honest Gareth, I think in reality I am also in the negative with points. With Sarah it is do or do not, there is no try. She even talks like Yoda.
Gareth would be seriously facing death if he ate the last drumstick, or worse, drank the last Pepsi! But if it was the only on you got, then I understand. Ü
I lost major points tonight. I watched the big upset game of Oregon st. taking out #1 USC over going upstairs to take care of biz with Julz. I must be getting old I really wanted to watch that football game instead. Yes the Cowboys look like the best team in football..........That sucks!
Unfortunately the Redskins just smacked them in the mouth yesterday. At least Romo stays on his feet, unlike Big Ben. ha ha
Yeah but T.O. is going to make your team self destruct, the guy can't shut up! Just way to many ego's for 1 team I bet they choke again in the playoffs!!!!
By-the-way Big Ben has won a superbowl and I am pretty sure we have the same record right now!
Same record right now, but looks like the Steelers are going to start holding open tryouts for runningback and offensive line positions.What are they on like their 8th string running back? Wait until December when DeMarcus Ware gets up close and personal with Ben.
Congrats on winning the Cowboys tickets I saw the pics on your wife's blog. Looks like a blast even if it was the Cowgirls playing. I haven't been to a Pro football game yet.... the only available tickets here are when its -30 below outside I would only brave that if the bears were playing the Steelers!
By-the-way I am not worried about Steelers playing the Cowgirls I am more worried about playing the real talent in that division Redskins/Giants!
See what happens when people get up close and personal with Romo the Homo.....HE CHOKES!!!!
Romo the Homo out for 4 weeks DAMN! Why can't it be the season! J/K....but seriously Romo don't come back until after the Steelers game!
Man life without Romo looks bad doesn't it?
it looks horrible. I hope he can play this week. I have T.O. on my fantasy team and this is ridiculous.
Here I was thinking to myself, 'Wow James has 18 comments on his post, why doesnt he post more? I mean he only posts once every 6 months and he has more comments on 1 post than I do in 100... then I click and see that 90 percent of them are from my husband and have nothing to do w/ what the post was originally about!' LOL! You should have a blog for the two of you where you can just comment back and forth, but I think that is called e-mail. Ü
Yes the Steelers will fill real sad after this week because they didn't intend to make Romo look like a fool and ruin the Cowgirls chances for a playoff push!
Merry Christmas to me! 3 great things happened today...#1 the Steelers won #2 The Cowgirls lost #3 The Steelers beat the Cowgirls because Romo the Homo can't handle the pressure in big games! He does it every year and I love watching it unfold! Ho Ho Ho and Ha Ha Haaaaaaaa
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Well that answers that who will go farther in the playoffs Steelers or Cowboys? Nuf said! Go Steelers become the only franchise to win 6 Superbowls!
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